The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
