i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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