He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
