nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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