Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
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Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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