At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
