So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
