Cold hands, warm shart.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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