I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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