It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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