I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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