I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
