When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
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