Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
