dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
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making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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