Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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