There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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