i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
