Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You took a bar mat shot.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He shit in the fireplace
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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