I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
