I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
