you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
