3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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