Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
