I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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