Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
