You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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