I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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