I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
