He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
