drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
