You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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