To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
the day after is always just damage control
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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