College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
