Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You took a bar mat shot.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
