I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
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We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
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All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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