can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
