smell my finger.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
