Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
