I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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