i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
