my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
