Will you blow on my dice?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
