How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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