In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
