omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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