he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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