Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
