Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
