Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
