Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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