Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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