He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
