we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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