When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
