God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize