I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Randomize
