I cut my penus on the lid.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
