ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize