Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
