Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
