I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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