you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
