if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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