idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
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Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
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I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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