I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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