Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
