Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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