he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
