So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize