He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
