it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
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