good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
