So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
