TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
