That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
