Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
